Consider the size of the mountain in front of you. Sometimes it appears tiny, other times it is huge. The size of the mountain is always the same. It is only your perception that changes. Life is about the ability to deal with challenges skillfully – not about avoiding them altogether.
How to relieve stress and create positive emotions
Stress Relief and Depression Self Help (index):
- What Causes stress?
- Stress Relief in 7 Steps
- Relieve Stress and Relax
- Action! Plow thru, Plow thru
- Managing stress Daily
- Financial Stress
- Money and Dating
- Emotional Stress
- Annoyances and Lost Sleep
- Health, Nutrition, Exercise
- Appearance and Image Boost
- Spiritual Journey Stress
- Stress leads to Cancer + Cure
- Frequently Asked Questions
- Resources for Dealing with Stress and Depression
What Causes Stress?
Stress is due to uncertainty (about future or about way to proceed), which comes from lack of clarity on current situation.
It can be financial or work related, it can be about big business decisions, it may be due to poor communication with people or a misunderstanding with a partner, or it may be emotional such us a lack of relationship and/or love.
Stress manifests in various ways – some clear and obvious, others rather subtle. For example I wasn’t enjoying social interactions (friends or events) or learning new things (cooking class). I was also drinking 3+ cups of coffee per day, overeating, overall not being sharp and full of energy, and feeling a certain state of helplessness.
Stress can also be much more serious and become one of the main causes of depression or even suicidal thoughts, mainly due to powerlessness. The struggle with money and/or people can be really draining.
When something like that happened to me, I eventually realized that there is no magic key and I needed to keep working on myself: learn my lessons and create something of value or be of service to others, ie. pay even greater price in terms of time, energy, and money.
All those realizations took me away from the bad thoughts, which I had to acknowledge and accept to move past them. This is a very important step, step #1.
If you don’t feel happy by default most of the times (or at least content and at ease), despite how bad you think it is (being broke or sick), you’ve got some work to do. You need to find out what causes stress for you in your life.
After you’ve spent some time on personal development and seemingly nothing has changed in your life, yet you actually feel happy, grateful for life opportunities (no matter how small) and admire the beauty of the world, you are on the right track.
The best way to predict the future is to create it.
At this point you have a solid action plan (creating and delivering value), and you trust and believe that anything that happens, happens for a good reason (soon or eventually – in the big scheme of things).
See, the way to live life without stress is to feel certain about the future – to have faith in goodness and fairness of God/Universe. You have to do your best to design and create your own future (ie. be proactive rather than reactive) and be an overall good person. When you provide genuinely good value, things will align to support you. I know this for sure based on solid evidence in my life.
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Stress Relief in 7 steps
The first step to overcome stress is to actually realize and acknowledge that you are stressed. Then make a strong decision to change that. You can say a positive affirmation to yourself, such as:
I know I am going through challenging times right now, but I am strong, intelligent and persistent; I can and I will get through this. I will make my life amazing and beautiful.
The Fifth Element movie offers a great quote by Mr. Kim (Thai chef on the float):
But grandfather say, “It never rain everyday”. This is good news, guaranteed. Hey, I bet your lunch!
– Mr. Kim (Good philosophy: See good in bad.)
This movie about Validation will help. It can even change your life – just smile.
Step two is to take a day to do something nice for yourself, have few moments of bliss, and relax as much as possible. Try to make the “something” healthy and empowering – go for a long walk in the park, go for a swim or a long drive. Reflect on your body for a moment, feel what hurts and how, what is the emotion, what is missing. Then give it to yourself to your best ability. You may want to write all this down.
The idea here is to get your mind ready for thinking clearly and constructively, so you can act with enthusiasm, creativity and positive action.
Step number three is take your time and get absolutely clear on what you REALLY WANT. Be careful not to slip into the area of what you don’t want – focus on what you DO WANT. What is the best-case scenario, the ideal situation – think like anything is possible! Dream and Imagine where you want to get and who you want to be. Dream Big!
See my Why Should I Change? article for inspiration and howto, and the Preparation Work article for helpful guidance. I also found self-hypnosis Paraliminals® Anxiety-Free and Belief to be very calming and clarifying.
Step four is to eliminate uncertainty right now. Research whether someone has already dealt with a similar dilemma and documented it on the web or in a book. Study all related options, solutions, biographies, success stories and if possible seek an expert who can guide you through it. Clarify what your first step should be.
Sometimes you can remove uncertainty by making a simple phone call or having an open and honest conversation with someone. Quick tip: talk in the “I-language”: “I feel hurt when…”, “I feel neglected when…”, or “I feel misunderstood when…” Or ask a successful person: “If you were in my situation, how would you proceed?” and co-create a reasonable solution that will work for you.
Optional step five is to think about your worst-case scenario, make a contingency plan, really prepare for it the best you can (eg. have backup and required tools), and be absolutely mentally ready to execute that plan. Then realize that your worst-case scenario didn’t happen yet, so you can let go of worrying about it; however, now you are fully prepared to handle it.
When I was ready to file for bankruptcy, aside from doing thorough research and organizing all my paperwork, I mentally let go of all my current possessions and various benefits. This helped me overcome the fear of loss – at the end material possessions don’t matter as much as we give them value.
Step number six is to contrive a long-term solution, plan, or purpose (step 2 & 3) so that this uncertainty doesn’t happen again. It is very important to be ready to follow it, even if it means sacrificing certain things (social meet-ups with unhealthy foods and unhealthy habits, etc).
Also prepare your work environment for action (declutter and dust-off surfaces, organize your desk, get healthy food and snacks, put on your favourite/relaxing/action music). Clean work area is a very powerful destressing cure.
Start! Follow the plan no matter what. Just do it, even for 2 minutes! This tiny progress will magically shift your mind into a productive state and you will be on your way. Lay that first brick. JUST START!
Whenever you slip back into stress, repeat all steps as necessary.
People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.
– Zig Ziglar
One of my friends made this important observation:
After the amount of stress I’ve been through the past few weeks, I still carry the lesson of letting go. You can’t take any of the stress with you. While you’re IN IT, it seems like you’ll never make it, but then when it’s OVER, it’s nothing but a story to tell…
* just make sure to make the story inspirational, or forever hold your peace.
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Relieve Stress and Relax
Choose stress relief techniques below to relieve stress, or design your very own feel-good day; but be careful, too much of a good thing can backfire – lean to the side of relaxation.
- Recharge with a Shiatsu massage, Hatha yoga, long shower, or a walk in the park
- Go for a workout: first elliptical, then legs and benchpress; or do a group fitness class
- Intend to feel good, breathe deep, straighten your posture, feel the joy
- Talk to someone supportive and positive, have a light chat about fun things
- Have a quality dinner (eg. salmon, sushi), vegetable salad (with avocado) and green tea
- Rid your body of toxins with a body cleansing detox, either Herbal or FIT Cleanse Pack
- Go to IKEA, get some candles, walk around the demo rooms, pretend you’re in your own gigantic kitchen cooking a nutritious dinner for your family
- Take a drive through a nice neighbourhood, feel like you live here, feel good
- Have some fresh fruit (eg. strawberries, kiwi, apple) or a healthy smoothie
- Groom yourself, wash your hair, put on your best clothes, go out, smile
- Watch a funny TV sitcom or your favourite movie; note: avoid drama and news
- At home light the candles, light an incense, put on some nice music, just relax
After you relieve stress with all this, you will hopefully feel nice and light, yet crystal clear. Go to sleep early, have a good quality sleep, get up right away when you wake up, have a healthy breakfast, and … get going with the plan. The time to make it happen is now! It’s now or never!
In addition to the relieve stress actions outlined in this article, it may be necessary to stimulate the body’s ability to produce and maintain proper levels of neurotransmitters in the brain. This would induce a better overall mood (ie. make us friendly and approachable) and boost our creativity skills, which in turn would help us take a positive constructive action towards a solution.
All the examples above are a very strong evidence of brain chemical imbalance in the brain as the latest research suggests. The WebMD.com site shows a depressed brain with a decreased brain activity due to depression (for any reason or due to substance abuse). Whereas Bonkers Institute for Nearly Genuine Research shows a brain of a lottery winner (it’s a joke, but the metaphor is accurate, and all in all, that would likely actually work!).
According to Fred M. Bogan, D.C. we can actually stimulate production of neurotransmitters on demand with certain nutrient building blocks. These are primarily the amino acids L-Tryptophan and Tyrosine, together with L-Lysine, vitamin C, B6, folate, calcium and quality multivitamin. Every case is different, but these can come from a high quality wholefood nutrition that contains 150+ nutraceuticals (including amino acids, antioxidants, enzymes, phytochemicals, vitamins and minerals) and other 10,000+ nutrients.
Just 1 full day of sipping on 4oz. of Tahitian Noni® MAX Bioactive Beverage dissolved in 1L of water together with a serving of Natureborn Multivitamins returned my more positive outlook on life and clearer thinking. This allowed me to seize the moment, get some sleep and get back to the gym. After 3 days my brain started generating a few great ideas on fixing the problems.
The peace of mind was priceless.
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“Plow thru, Plow thru”
Every time you’re “in the zone” making amazing progress and a challenge comes up that tries to stop you, just say to yourself the words “Plow thru, Plow thru” and keep at it strong like a bull! Be patient, decide to feel better and keep going – you’re on the right track. If you really give it all you got, you will come out a happy and successful person.
Men listen up! Grow a pair, overcome stress, get to work, and claim what’s yours! Don’t put up with any BS. Don’t worry about every single “what-if.” Failure (ehrm, challenge) is always an option, but success is sweet and satisfying. Research possible options, gain the knowledge, have backup, then take the risk! Trust, believe, and act! Plow thru and adjust if necessary. Nothing great was ever accomplished by being timid or ultra safe. Be like Rocky in Eye of the Tiger!
If you catch yourself procrastinating, first look inside you and try to find out what exactly is the problem, what do you need? Are you overwhelmed? Are you thirsty? Are you hungry? Is your mind exhausted? Find what you really need and try to take care of it (see the next paragraph below). Start with a glass of clean water and see how the feeling changes.
Wendy Joy Hart has a very effective program called Procrastination Cure. I have used it and noticed amazing changes the very next day (after a very interesting night of healing dreams).
The above in more detail: Let the feeling sit for about an hour, analyze it (where in the body is it, what does it look like, analyze it logically and emotionally). Then “puke”/spit/exhale it out. Then when it feels gone, assume a shaman pose and recharge with fresh air and light (breathe deep and soak up the sun). Have a good night sleep. Nicely done!
One day en route to office I tried to see where the pain was. It was on my head, like a hat, but made of sludge and slowly moving downwards onto my forehead and around my head. Clearly I fried my brain.
I went for a long walk in the park, then a Yoga class, and then had a solid good night sleep. Next morning I self-woke early (7am) and got ready for work, feeling good and very motivated.
Divide your big task into smaller parts (make small to-do lists, divide and conquer), and just start, just do it! Even if you do only 1-2 hours of useful work in a day, it will make you feel better and motivate you do further work. Send some emails, apply for things, post your professional profiles online – let those things work for you as you sleep. Getting a positive response next day gives you an amazing boost. Also sign up for 2 or 3 useful newsletters (health, wealth, other) as these provide a good boost as well.
Another day I woke up really mentally exhausted – I was slow, mellow, and didn’t feel like talking to anyone (as in producing any vocal sound!). I forced myself to the gym for a quick workout. My mantra “let’s make it count!” simply didn’t work this time, so I had to force my body with: “just do it!” and totally ignore what the brain said.
Mid-workout I actually had to take a 5 min nap on a flat bench: I had to do what I had to do. When I was done and leaving, I was wasted, but felt really good all over. I can’t stress enough how important an exercise is even when in the middle of the most busy time.
Nutrition: High-productivity mode can make you hungry really quickly and often, even every 2-3 hours despite regular meals every time. The crucial thing is a QUALITY food, eg. fruit, fibre cereal and eggs for breakfast, salmon sandwich for lunch, Vietnamese chicken soup for dinner, brain supplements like Brazilian nuts, blueberries, ginseng and ginkgo, Tahitian Noni® Beverage, E3Live! BrainOn Green Algae with Phenalmin, and of course plenty of water.
Reading all the help books and websites may give you a lot of knowledge, but the very nature of those readings can be very overwhelming. I found that making an intention before reading (what do I want to learn?), setting a soft deadline to finish reading, having a good night sleep (for the new information to soak in), and then applying the knowledge in practice the next day is the way to go.
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Managing Stress Daily
- Clean up, calm down, keep a positive outlook (trust, believe, pray)
- Fix worries (computer backup, insurance) and automate as much as possible
- Have vision and goals, make to-do lists, take daily action moving forward
- Do what feels good, but have a game plan, know situation is only temporary
- Surround yourself with positive and empowering people
- Avoid getting hooked into arguments with negative people
- Take nothing personally, take it as feedback, agree to disagree
- Be open to other people’s thoughts and ideas (especially successful people’s)
- Sleep and wake early, breathe deep, eat healthy, drink lots of water, exercise
When you’re super down, Chi is low, and you have crappy posture, what do you do? Managing stress starts with grooming (haircut, shave, face moisturizer, a bit of sun, all to get the glow back), then gym (cardio, quick chest, quick legs, shoulders, back, some stretching), then following it all that with a nice spicy chicken soup.
This brings back your posture, power is back, internal joy is back, and mind sharpness is back. Now you can get back to your projects.
Below are a few random notes straight out of my Journal:
One night I was sad and restless and I couldn’t fall asleep, I self-hypnotically repeated a positive affirmation: “I feel awesome! I feel fantastic!” At first it felt like a lie, but within 15 minutes my mood changed to real joy.
And then my thoughts went on autopilot recalling all nice things that happened to me recently, nice things I did for others, and nice things that were about to happen. Amazing! I slept like a baby that night.
In the Paraliminal® Coaching Belief Side B, Paul talks about Learned/Educated Helplessness. His advice to turn it around is: first change physiology (posture, power pose, smile), then change frustration into curiosity (questioning, exploring, testing, believing that a solution exists). I listened to each coaching 3 times and Paraliminal 2 times over a couple of days. I was catching new information every time.
Whenever you’re slipping into helplessness, you have to do something! Anything! Change your environment, watch racing movies, sing-along to your favourite song, do accents, go for a walk, treat yourself (as healthy as possible!). Although only temporary, anything helps that puts you back on your project (note: you must have that project!).
It stars with the awareness. You have to be able to detect the unwelcome thought and take steps to immediately shift it into positive before the negative spirals out of control. This very valuable skill of managing stress is really worth learning!
My happy place is quiet, sunny and positive, with classical piano music and incense in the background. Also I tend to go for a walk to a nice neighbourhood grocery store (25 min walk one way), where I have a fresh chicken salad wrap, single espresso, and acai smoothie. What an energy shift! Go to a local library, coffee shop, or a garden and work from there.
I found an interesting article about business sharks:
For sunny days they must maximize the energy and celebrate it with something nice for self. For rainy days they must find their own way to make the best out of it and a find own ritual to raise the energy.
Otherwise damage control is required. One way to do that is through honesty. Just say that you had a crappy day and you wanna make it right by taking the person to lunch. Then don’t talk about that day, deliver a pleasant quality time.
Allow yourself to be depressed, but only in privacy… It’s a very human reaction to hard work, and you must go through it, sooner or later.
Remember that you are not an average guy, you want to be a millionaire, so you will not experience average emotions. Don’t fight depression, don’t escape it and don’t hide it, it’s normal, so take it to the full, but in privacy.
Once recovered, forget it and start clean.
Solution ideas to a couple of bad habits:
Nail biting – short-term: grip strengthening device, long-term: overall fix and peace of mind
Being disorganized and procrastinating – Simpleology 101 course – Free Access with signup
Always plan ahead – even with just a simple “what-if”. Also always think before doing anything (big or small). Have backup if possible, eg. have a temporary “recycling bin” when cleaning clutter.
Say no to things you really don’t want to do. If you already have made a commitment you cannot take back, offer to do something else that’s equivalent in value instead.
Eminem’s song “Lose Yourself“ is really a great boost for me and for Mr. Donald Trump. Grab a copy and listen to it over and over.
Look, if you had, one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted – One moment
Would you capture it, or just let it slip?
Yo, His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy […]
He’s nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready
To drop bombs, but he keeps on forgetting
What he wrote down, the whole crowd goes so loud
He opens his mouth, but the words won’t come out
He’s chokin, how everybody’s jokin now
The clock’s run out, time’s up, over bloah
Snap back to reality, Oh there goes gravity
Oh, there goes rabbit, he choked
He’s so mad, but he won’t give up that
No, he won’t have it , he knows his whole back city ropes
It don’t matter, he’s dope
He knows that, but he’s broke
He’s so stacked that he knows
When he goes back to his mobile home, that’s when it’s
Back to the lab again yo
This whole rap s**t
Better go capture this moment and hope it don’t pass him
You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo,
You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime
Bottom line to Managing Stress:
If everything is great (air, food, energy, love, balance, brain rested) amazing work can get done. There is focus, ideas, action, personal power. But after some time, there comes a point that body needs to rest again (balance).
This is the time to sleep or go for a bike ride or walk in the park (it’s free!). Ideally one should take a break before the stress burnout hits. Take 10 minute breaks every hour of work and a longer 30-60min break after 3 hours of work. Note that quality food at regular intervals is a must!
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Financial Stress Relief
For financial stress relief start with gratitude, think about what you have: home, food, access to library, access to internet. Also you have your mind “and as long you have your mind, you can put things back together” – The Secret’s Miracle Man. Another massive transformation inspiring story is one of Neale Donald Walsch presented in a movie and book under the same title Conversations With God.
With money I experienced the power of Law of Attraction first hand! I needed to learn to be grateful and work on feeling my own self-worth. I had to learn my lessons and clean up debts to make room for new money energy, which slowly but surely started to trickle in. Here is another great site with concise quality information to Learn Financial Planning.
Look into Social Assistance and Low-rent Housing, do a deep search on Google, study your options (various benefits, self-employment training, etc.), make an inquiry call (not everything can be found online), talk openly with case workers, get the paper work in order and submit it. Even if chances are low or wait is long, you will open some doors.
When looking for work, don’t just sit in front of the computer all day and spam mailboxes with your resumes. Do a little bit of research on the internet on who else on this planet is doing similar project to yours, search for blogs, forums, websites, physical meetings and events.
Talk to your friends, ask them if they know of any opportunities or to do you a favour and have their ears open. Submit your resume to recruiting agencies and ask them to help you revise your resume – it’s a win-win request. In my experience recruiters and friends are the best (and wisest) way to finding employment. Find preferred employers and try calling them yourself. Have your HELPFUL elevator pitch ready and … SOUND and FEEL POSITIVE!
Get out there, meet people, interact, make connections, offer your value, take positive action, and see what happens. Clear your mind of clutter, be focused and super productive. The Free Simpleology 101 Course (The Simple Science of Getting What You Want) will get you on your way within a day or two. I highly recommend you sign up for the free account and watch the course videos today (it will only take you a couple of hours).
Note: Don’t be needy or desperate; be enthusiastic and come from an angle of confidence and value. Ask them how can YOU be of service to them, find out what problems they are having and demonstrate that you know how to solve them effectively. Easy way to do that is to make friendly connections for the purpose of exchanging knowledge and creating ideas. Check out this free blog on how to find your dream job (you have to opt-in with your email).
In the meantime, if you need money fast, consider options such as selling your stuff on eBay, Kijiji, Craigslist, advertising your talent and skills in a local newspaper or on fiverr (I got 6 gigs within 1 week of signing up (as a test) by offering great value: website user experience and technical review). Strongly consider getting a part-time job that’s well below your qualifications or compensation expectations (calling the employer personally is a huge improver of your chances).
A little bit of income can go a long way as it allows your left brain (survival mode) to relax and the right brain (creativity mode) to engage. I did what I had to do and worked for $10/hour for a while. I was really thankful for that opportunity and soon moved up to better paying gigs. Always ask around if anyone has heard of any opportunities and ask for a personal referral.
Much of my making money online research and the recommendations in this article are in the free eBook that I created. You can grab the book from my Business Products page. Have a quick read and give it 24-48 hours for your mind to start thinking up great ideas. Review all other business ideas on the same page and get started turning your situation around.
If you’re social and like talking to people, you can join a Network Marketing company, where it’s very possible to earn $1000 in the first month part time, or with a good effort pull up to $3000. If you’re really gifted or go at it with an ignorance on fire, you can even make $9000 in the first month (yes, it’s been done!). After that sky is the limit going beyond $100,000 per MONTH. Have a look at a few business options here.
You can have a look at the 101 Ways to Make Money highly ranked website with some other ideas. Keep in mind however that most of the ideas take a minimum of about a month go get going and do not come with a guarantee that they will work. There are some websites out there offering “Free Money”, but they pay just cents to a few dollars for a lot of your time, so it’s not really a good deal.
Remember! There is no such thing as Get Rich Quick! Everything requires work, skill, time, or energy in some form or another (eg. to make money on facebook you have to take time to develop a brand, persona, and following, not to mention the technical know-how).
Tip: If you have some time on your side, sign up for the free Simpleology 101 account and watch for deals and offers – sometimes you can get valuable courses for cheap or even free – this applies to almost any online product.
If you choose not to continue your business and have other plans or goals, close it down. If you are heavily in debt, consider the financial bail-out options, including doing-it yourself or bankruptcy (search for Gov’t authorized Trustees to avoid consultation or other rip-off costs).
If it’s your first one and you don’t have too many assets, it is a reasonably simple process. However, try to avoid it if you can – it should be your last resort as it makes your life a bit difficult for a few years. Weigh it with your current situation and make a decision.
Best of luck and power to you!
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Money and Dating
As far as asking women on dates is concerned, my limiting belief was that asking women out while I REALLY couldn’t afford a $20 dollar lunch is pointless. I decided to challenge that belief and even thou it was hard at first (energetically expensive), I was eventually able to correct that belief.
From a $3 dollar coffee date there could be a lot of MUTUAL empowerement (from quality contacts and opportunities and power ambition and admiration, through making each others’ lives easier with more fun and joy, to relaxation and pleasure), though to be honest, no one really wants or deserves a partner with issues. Thus I was back on the path of fixing myself from the inside. Once that was done, dating was easy, even on a very limited budget.
Through honesty about the current situation (thou not at first – a small investment is necessary to convey other-than-financial value-add and life improving benefits), ambition and enthusiasm can get you an amazing good-hearted partner: successful business women, models, actresses, IronMan athletes, or just the sweetest and smartest regular girls. The mentor that helped me the greatest in approaching women and getting physical was David DeAngelo (* through his free newsletters).
Be clear on what do you want. If you don’t want drama, you’re going to get it. If you want beauty, warmth, ambition, or whatever else – guest what – you shall receive it. Also be honest with yourself and your partner. If all you can give is 1 or 2 days per week, tell her or him that. It’s all about managing expectations before resentment sets in. In this day and age this kind of arrangement is actually more frequently sought than you think (by both sides).
And remember, have your sad moments only in private. You must feel enough internal ease and joy to interact with people for the purpose of fun and entertainment. Kinda like Jessie J’s Price Tag song “It’s not about the money, money, money…” these are nice words and it works sometimes, but at the end of the day “no money, no funny.” So work on changing your situation as much as you can when away from her, that is unless she’s helping you.
Opportunities are everywhere (grocery, coffee shop). Are you ready to accept them once they show up and offer your amazing self in return? Or is it back to the drawing board for you? It’s ok – patience
Why should you bother? It’s easier to tackle life as a team – two brains are always better than one. At the very least you can be each other’s ray of sunlight – this is priceless. So do your part – seek ways to make your partner feel special or loved (but do it in a cool and fun way, not sobby and poetic, unless you’re both into that, then it’s all good )
Look at the main character from they Jerry Maguire movie. He found a good girl when he was down and humble, not when he was high and arrogant. Although dating added to the drama in his life as he was busy enough getting back on the horse, overall a bit of love actually gave him a boost.
You have to offer high quality self in return, ie. work on your habits, self-esteem, calmness, business knowledge, relationships, energy, etc.
I think all the social tips are useless if they try to make you something you’re not. Choosing joy, smiling at strangers, enjoying your own quirks is the true happiness – and that’s what attracts the nicest women out there.
How about you take yourself on a date, whether you are a man or a woman, ie. Dating Yourself. It’s really cool, as you can do what you like, you don’t worry about entertaining anyone, and if you have enough fun, you can actually meet people or that special someone!
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Emotional Stress Relief
The Being Centered: Positively Contagious! book really helped me clear up my past emotional hurts and issues that kept bugging me now and then. The disconnecting of emotional 1 tonne weight from the memories was really simple and effective. Huge difference. Huge!
Take your time and consider the 22-level Emotional Guidance System below (described in detail in the Ask and It Is Given book). I strongly suggest that you read and use this book. Together with the Being Centered book it might be all the emotional stress relief you need.
- Positive expectation/Belief
- Frustration, Irritation, Impatience
- Hatred, Rage
- Insecurity, Guilt, Unworthiness
- Fear, Grief, Depression, Despair, Powerlessness
Anger, in some very “low” cases, is actually pain-relieving and better-feeling. From there you move higher and higher on the scale, as you’re back in control (not powerlessness).
If you realize that you chose an angry thought deliberately, you regain a sense of power. Now do not remain in that place, but move up the scale, eg. thru frustration. Only you know by the way you feel, whether the response was appropriate.
But no matter where you are, always “do your best to make the best of it.” More relief, more relief, until you arrive at the very-good feeling place.
Having someone who really believes and encourages you is very important. I was told by 3 people that they see me turning out a happy and successful man. I am so very thankful to those friends for their support and encouragement. Click here to see all my unsolicited positive comments and feedback.
If you are told you have to be “realistic”, although true to some extent, it’s not constructive. I think it’s better not to get into that discussion. It’s a lot better to actually do something constructive like learn something, or research who else on this planet is on the same path as you are. Then contact them, offer your value, hope for the best, take positive action, and see what happens.
Above all you must avoid getting hooked into drama and complaining, which tends to lead to escalation. Engage your shields, repeat mantras (“I am calm, I am calm”), breathe, straighten your posture, and remove yourself from the area as soon as politely possible.
If that’s not an option, first listen to understand and don’t say anything, then after few minutes, when there is a longer silence or request for your input, just say: “ok… so what’s your solution?”
Negative people need to go through their own healing by themselves. If you really care about a person, you might give them tiny hints about the books you recently read or about this website, or better yet, silently serve as an example of your own transformation. Don’t try to change them, let go, save your energy, focus it on yourself and what’s important to you.
Once I asked my friend who works at a mental disorders hospital, how does she stay centered and positive when dealing with depression in extreme cases. She said that it’s very important not to judge, to be open to their point of view and listen closely to understand – become them for a moment. When they don’t feel any resistance or pushing, they in turn switch into the open listening mode. She is then able to better explain things to them.
Once the conversation is civil, calm, and empowering, you can cover a lot of ground, eg. trust, ways of showing caring, love vs. pleasure, time for self vs. time together, privacy, partnership, collaboration, business, etc.
Remember, with people slow is fast, and fast is slow. Spending some time to openly discuss things will save you a lot of time in the long run. Learn more about effectiveness from Stephen Covey’s highly acclaimed The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People Book or DVD.
If you aren’t happy in your current relationship, first try to have an open and honest communication with your partner (remember to use “I-language”). Try to understand the partner’s ways of showing caring, his or her intentions for doing things and the underlying goal. If you can come to some sort of reasonable win-win agreement – GREAT!!
If there is no way to reach any sort of agreement or even to communicate in the first place, leave, forget and move on. Don’t waste your energy trying to change him or her. You can’t make a tree out of a zebra. I believe that long-term relationships should be (ideally) enriching, empowering, full of love, and above all, pleasant and fun most of the time.
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Annoyances and Lost Sleep
One day someone with two large dogs moved in across the street. Every day in the early morning hours (5-8am) the dogs would bark loudly for 10-20 minutes at a time.
Instead of yelling or complaining like other neighbours, I wrote a nice letter directly to the tenant and superintendent. When that didn’t work I did a quick research and took constructive action by filling a report with local police, animal control, and the city (noise pollution by-law).
A well written complaint is the key. It shows you’re serious, educated about the options, and it provides the perfect paper trail. That worked and the neighbour learned to control the dogs. No more dogs barking in the morning – I had a great night sleep.
Some other sleep quality destroyers:
- hunger: have a high quality snack (1/4 portion of fibre cereal, 1tsp of peanut butter)
- bed sheets not washed in a while, especially in the summer: wash them asap!
- can’t fall asleep: analyze/reflect on the problem and write down your thoughts
Take care of all the little annoyances around your house or office, ideally all in one shot. Grease things up, tighten bolts, sharpen kitchen knives, change those loud computer fans, get desk and closet space organizing products, sort that stack of papers, you get the idea. You can also take care of the sleep chemicals in your brain, which will help you sleep better through the night.
I found that what really agitates and hurts my brain, especially while I am working, is a construction season near my house. The constantly high revving big trucks, pneumatic hammers, some police and fire truck sirens, and we have a recipe for poor productivity. I need a reasonable silence. Changing environment is a must in this case.
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Health, Nutrition, Exercise
See my Personal Health Care, Healing Energy and Weight Loss Success articles on how to boost and maintain your energy. Main ideas: Go to the root of a problem, don’t mask it with drugs. Sleep & wake early, breathe deep (bottom of lungs, lower abs), eat well (good food, small portions, often), drink lots of water, exercise.
[ Also check the UPDATE on brain chemical imbalance in the Relieve Stress and Relax section ]
One time I lost being grounded and strong after I ate microwaved orange food (fried fish and fried chicken) – it killed me! Having salads and fresh healthy food, especially when in high performance mode is crucial!
Stock up on healthy food at home (green, lean, alkaline) or go out to Lebanese sandwich places. You have to maintain your body like it were a million dollar race horse! In a way it is, because it’s the only one you got!
One simple mind trick I use when choosing or having a meal is to make sure your dish contains all the major colours, preferably as rich (saturated) as possible. As a general example consider green-red (veggies, salads), yellow (cheese, eggs), orange (carrot, cheese), purple (onion), brown (wholewheat bread, pasta or potatoes), black (beans), white (rice or almond milk) – of course not all at once, but you get the idea. This also applies to fruit with plenty of colourful choices!
At my local supermarket I buy Jamieson® Slim Down Snack Bars or Life Brand® Sportzone energy bars. These really come handy when it comes to a quick snack when getting hungry. When buying snack energy bars, always watch saturated/trans fat and sugar/carb content. If there is no information about sugar content, be very suspicious, most of the time sugar is through the roof.
High-productivity mode can make you hungry really quickly and often, even every 2-3 hours despite regular meals every time. The crucial thing is quality food, eg. fruit, fibre cereal and eggs for breakfast, salmon sandwich for lunch, Vietnamese chicken soup for dinner, brain supplements (Brazilian nuts, blueberries, ginseng and ginkgo), and plenty of water.
One day I woke up really mentally exhausted – I was slow and mellow. I forced myself to the gym for a quick workout. My mantra “let’s make it count!” simply didn’t work this time, so I had to force my body with: “just do it!” and totally ignore what the brain said. It’s really important to just get it done when deep inside you know it’s good for you.
You can do basic exercises such as wide grip assisted pull-up, push ups, bosu core twist with weight or squats, mid back, flat bench dumbbells, dumbbell press, triceps press, etc.
If you are low on the Emotional Guidance System scale, you can elevate to anger by listening to heavy metal music while giving it all you got on a treadmill or elliptical machine. It’s a 2 in 1 deal: elevate your emotions and get a workout in – isn’t that great?
When I went to take a shower the next night, in the mirror I saw my upper body muscles all bubbled up from yesterday’s workout. The mojo was back and I slept feeling so much better. Legs workout especially causes the biggest boost in “happy chemicals” production, including… testosterone.
Crappy sleep and frequent peeing (every few minutes) while being stressed could be due to being cold. Wearing socks, sweat pants and fleece to bed helps. ALWAYS STAY WARM and COMFORTABLE (at home, at night, outside, always!).
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Appearance and Image Boost
When you’re super down, Chi is low, and you have crappy posture, what do you do? Well, start with grooming (haircut, shave, face moisturizer, a bit of sun, all to get the glow back), then gym (cardio, quick chest, quick legs, shoulders, back, some stretching), then follow all that with a nice spicy chicken soup. Posture is back, power is back, internal joy is back, mind sharpness is back. People are checking you out. Nicely done!
Dress well every day! It can be business casual or whatever the high end of your style is. Get a pair of nice dress shoes. Shoes are super important as they make or break your image.
Change your physiology: straighten your posture, thrust your chest forward, smile. Then change frustration into curiosity: questioning, exploring, testing, and believing that a solution exists. Look busy and incisive, feel confident, feel wealthy, and feel good. Check out fashion magazines at a local bookstore for ideas or do google image search.
Remember you must never be depressed in public, especially with people you care about. Keep an upbeat, enthusiastic and confident image consistently. If you must, have your sad or angry moments in private. No one deserves to be on the receiving end of your moods.
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Spiritual Journey Stress
I once had an interesting thought that people who reach an enlightenment stage (usually in their late 20’s or later), usually do so after a few years of perfecting themselves in one area of life, usually for their own benefit.
The lessons from that journey are very useful to others who excel in other areas, but need/want to improve this one particular skill. Since the former person took it to the extreme, 90% of the “what-ifs” are already addressed. The value of such a journey is high to others, and if it is published, the spiritual purpose is fulfilled [for the highest good of all].
When in your journey you feel stuck at a certain level and can’t seem to make any progress, know that the Universe is not blocking you to frustrate you. Universe wants you to reach the next level, but it knows that you aren’t ready yet.
You still need to resolve some blockages and learn some very important lesson right where you are. Look inside you or around you for energy and power draining leaks. It could be your limiting belief, some unhealthy habit, the environment where you work, the people you spend your time with, or even some object around you that holds bad energy.
One more thought about the Law of Attraction: Denying thoughts may work for you, but acknowledging a thought at its roots, thinking how to fix it, and then taking active steps to actually fix it scores major brownie points with the Universe.
During a spiritual growth journey unexpected help is very common. Question is, are you ready to see it and accept it once it shows up? Technically your mind should be in an allowing or receiving mode (peace and joy) for reality to match it. The 7 Steps Stress Relief process attempts to get you closer to that mindset.
UPDATE: When dealing with depression, you can also explicitly ask for energetic help, healing or prayer for depression on a new website that recently opened just for that purpose. It is called Reverlri – Law of Attraction at your Doorstep. I highly recommend that you post your request there.
Depression Self Help
Often the enlightenment journey itself is one of a causes of depression. This can happen upon recognizing and experiencing the vanity of the world around you (see the stress FAQ for details). The depression occurs because of the desire to give high-level value, but struggling with the afore mentioned vanity, ie. being uncertain how to proceed.
“Do not feel abandoned. For I am always with you. I will not leave you. I cannot leave you. For you are my creation and my product. My purpose.. and myself! Call on me therefore. Whenever you are separate from the peace that I am, I will be there!” - Conversations With God
“God wants for you what You want for you – to be happy. True masters make a Life, not just make a living. Go ahead, do what you truly love. Do nothing else! You have so little time. Doing the else is not living – it is a dying.” – Conversations With God
My depression self help journey eventually led me to a realization that I ended up where I started, but with more understanding of what is my happiness and joy in this world, and where I belong. At that point I was also my better self and more capable of delivering that value. My wisdom to you is in the words of my very spiritually connected friend:
What you’re seeking is already known to you. You just have to realize it.
– friend HI
Dealing with Severe Stress and Depression
In Erin’s blog post on Getting Out of Hell, Erin talks about pretty serious cases, but she also mentions a simple case where we condemn ourselves to live a crappy life and refuse love from other people. She says that a way to get out of it, is to just change the mindset. You can read the entire article by clicking here.
My only additional comment is that sometimes one needs to be more firm with the daemons. If after asking them nicely they refuse to leave, one has to intensify the language, but without resorting to anger (remember: evil begets evil).
Think about how you would handle a real-world person who repeatedly trespasses on your property. You’d use a firm and confident language, but you wouldn’t start yelling.
You should also call on the light, your God, and your protective Angels for help. Ideally you should have a spiritually experienced person with you when attempting the above solution. Or at the very least do it in your Church.
When I let go of my daemon in a cheerful way (by that time it was a light case), right away my Third Eye reopened, I saw amazing lights, I felt so much better, and my voice returned more vibrant and stronger. It’s really that simple.
Another Softer Solution
I started by imagining a big, yellow and glowing smiley face in my heart. This translated upwards towards my mouth and eyes. I felt really joyful, happy and loving.
Then in my mind I went through all the people I wanted to share the big smile and love with. Everyone got a little bit, both my friends and challengers. Then I was smiling and talking to myself in the mirror. After a while it became obvious that I don’t fully love myself.
I couldn’t look myself in the eye. I told myself that this can’t be true, that I do love myself; however, I could sense a hint of doubt. Why would this be? This went on for good ten minutes. I realized that it is the hurting of the Inner Child that scarcely experienced love when growing up.
Eventually I acted out, myself to myself, Tom Cruise in love as I recently saw it on youtube (unfortunately some youtube fans classified it as “crazy”, making finding the original video harder). Since this love was the purest and the truest kind of love, it really worked for me. The healing right then and there was a miracle.
Yet another way I was once able to boost my energy was by doing a Shaman Pose healing. First I let my hurt feeling sit for a while, then I logically and emotionally analyzed where in the body it was and what did it look like. Then I “puked”, spit, and exhaled it out.
Then I grounded myself by drumming and stomping hard in a garden. Objective was to get my legs to feel strong and heavy on the ground. I used a big drum I bought at Ten Thousand Villages store.
This worked like a charm. I felt strong, manly, and super calm – eg. strong and silent type. Suit, white shirt, black tie with thick stripes, full windsor knot, the empowering garden and nature all had a lot to do with the boost as well.
For day to day energy intensifiers see the Healing Energy and Personal Health Care articles. Aside from the described Shiatsu massage, Hatha Yoga, Reiki and superhealth tips, there are a few additional things you can do:
- Always be grateful for and bless your food before consumption
- Manage your energy strictly by practicing Yoga Discipline
- On good energy days maximize productivity and celebrate being
- On low energy days make it the best you can and find your ritual to raise the energy
Here is some wisdom about family and love that Ric Elias came up with just seconds before an airplane he was on with his family was about to crash into the Hudson river.
1. Don’t postpone important things in life (while striving for your goals).
2. Don’t strive to be right. Choose to be happy.
3. Be a great parent / partner / friend.
Above all, don’t be afraid to be who you are. Find your joy, love yourself, and treat yourself with respect. Life is a gift, so live fully it with passion. Living in stress and fear, or living to please others, can only lead you to cancer. Good news is that it’s never too late to change:
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Frequently Asked Questions
QUESTION: It’s ALL vanity anyway. What is the point?
Short answer: Because life is supposed to be fun. The meaning of life is… life! It’s the experiences, overcoming challenges, striving for joy, and enjoying the rewards that follow. It’s personal growth and becoming wiser or enlightened, and then giving back your wisdom to the bring spirit of enlightenment into all areas of life, making the world a better place.
It’s like asking “What’s the point of surfing the wave?” It’s the joy, the experience, the learning, the improvement, the creativity. Sure you need to do a little bit of work, but if you use your in-born talents and skills and thus effortlessly provide great value to society, everything becomes really easy! See my Why Should I Change? article for clarity.
QUESTION: All information is already out there. How can I contribute?
First of all, not ALL information and not from EVERY angle. Your upbringing, unique talents and skills, and your unique experience all contribute to a unique point of view and perspective.
Second, there are new inventions and discoveries popping up every day.
Thirdly, it is nice to have “all the information out there” nicely organized in one place.
QUESTION: I had a tough childhood/life. Am I not meant to be happy?
There was a true story about a woman, who had the worst luck you can imagine. Year after year things wouldn’t go her way. But she turned it around and told her story how she was able to survive it (a hero story). Someone in real-life got interested in her tale and opened new doors for her. It is important to present your uniqueness in an open and honest way. All people from the Secret had a similar lift – it’s often about great opportunities and being able to see and act on them. One thing for sure – nothing will happen if you don’t do anything (or get out there).
QUESTION: But it will take way too long! Why bother?
It will take what it will take. Start slow and gradually shift your focus onto things you love to do and away from the things you don’t. If you start now, within a few months you will be months ahead.
If you don’t do anything, you will be where you are now asking exactly the same question. Life is actually very long. One positive affirmation that I use to keep on track is:
I have time to do everything that needs to be done and it will be done when the time is right. Possibly sooner.
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Resources for Dealing with Stress and Depression
Additional tips on stress management: set of articles by Hunter Phoenix.
Saving yourself after hitting rock bottom: spiritual article by Erin Pavlina.
CureTogether.com has a chart that shows effectiveness of various approaches to treating depression. Meditation, talk therapy, sleep, and exercise are the most popular and effective treatments. #1 most effective cure for depression – EXERCISE – it really is! Go for a bike ride, swim or a jog – you’ll see for yourself!
However, it is likely, depending on how deep in depression you are, that you need a jumpstart of your brain chemistry first before you feel like working out. Best way to do that is with some relaxing first and having 2 ounces of Noni Thrive Max bioactive beverage twice a day. The beverage is designed to help restore depressed brain to a normal brain in a matter of days or weeks.
If you’ve found this article helpful, please post your comments below and spread the word – there are likely more people who need to read this article.
The information above is based on personal experiences, true results, and real stories. However, please consult your physician before following any advice on this website. For more details read this Important Disclaimer. 11:11